No. | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original release date | Viewers(millions) |
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7 | "The Talented Mr Alan" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 11 November 2002 (2002-11-11) | 3.71 |
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Five years on from his time at the Linton Travel Tavern, Alan is living in a static home next to his under-construction house, with his new girlfriend Sonja. He has written a book, Bouncing Back, after having spent two years unemployed and "clinically fed up". While visiting Michael at his new petrol station job, Alan has a chance meeting with his old teacher Frank Raphael. Alan convinces Raphael to let him give a talk to the sixth formers at the school where Raphael is now headmaster.Whilst at the school, Alan bumps into an old schoolmate, Phil Wiley, who is now a teacher. Alan still holds a grudge against Wiley for drawing a penis on the back of his school blazer, which Raphael caned Alan for. In his talk, Alan makes a fool of himself by screening his car safety PSA 'Crash, Bang, Wallop: What a Video!' for the schoolchildren, and exposing Wiley for impregnating the school science lab assistant during his time as a pupil. Later, Wiley comes into the petrol station. Alan, thinking he has come to fight, threatens him with a hot apple pie whilst Lynn draws a chalk penis on his back. The two make peace, but an arriving customer informs Wiley of the drawing, forcing Alan to lock the petrol station doors, trapping himself, Lynn and Michael inside. |
8 | "The Colour of Alan" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 18 November 2002 (2002-11-18) | 3.75 |
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Alan is asked to present a sales conference for "Dante's of Reading", a company that supplies coal-effect fires and fireplaces. The company sends Piet Morant to discuss the conference details with Alan. After his frequent pranks with the security staff at Choristers Country Club result in the police being called, Alan is forced to bring Piet to his partially built house for the meeting, with Lynn and Michael improvising a meeting room from makeshift furniture and lighting. Despite a difficult meeting, Alan is awarded the job. He is denied entry to the conference due to his lack of ID and after attempting to climb the fence, he impales his foot on a metal spike. He refuses to seek medical treatment and attempts to present the sales conference with a seriously injured foot, leading to him vomiting all over the floor. |
9 | "BraveAlan" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 25 November 2002 (2002-11-25) | 3.29 |
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Alan makes a new friend at the BP garage, Dan (Stephen Mangan). They share an appreciation for the same beer, use the same deodorant, and drive the same car. Dan owns 'Kitchen Planet', a superstore in the local area, and arranges for Alan to both purchase a reduced price kitchen and present the Norfolk Bravery Awards, sponsored by Colman's Mustard. Alan's attempts to impress Karen Colman are unsuccessful, but she strikes up an instant rapport with Sonja, later inviting her back to her house for a 'girl's only night.' Lynn goes to spend the evening with Gordon, her new friend from the church, leaving Alan alone. Unaware of what to do with the rest of his day, Alan spends some time at an arcade before enjoying a 'cup of beans' on Michael's doorstep. Later, at Dan's house, Alan is promised a demo reel of his prospective kitchen, instead being shown a recording of Dan and his wife Kerry having sex in the superstore. They proposition Alan to join, based on their erotic enjoyment of his 'Deep Bath' segment on Radio Norwich. He leaves, and after hastily performing one final 'Deep Bath' on the air, he cancels the segment, much to the disappointment of Dan and Kerry. |
10 | "Never Say Alan Again" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 2 December 2002 (2002-12-02) | 3.39 |
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Alan plans to watch all the James Bond films in sequential order for the weekend with Michael, who has made a new friend, Tex (Peter Serafinowicz). Tex is obsessed with American culture, and Alan's jealousy of the two causes him to fall out with Michael. It is the first anniversary of Lynn's mother's death, and Alan takes her to visit the grave site. Upon their arrival back to the caravan, Lynn's friend Gordon appears, and threatens Alan over his mistreatment of Lynn. In a panic, Alan gives Lynn a pay rise. Lynn accidentally destroys almost all of Alan's James Bond collection just before the marathon begins, with the only surviving tape being in Michael's possession. After making up with him, Alan discovers that an episode of "America's Strongest Man" has been taped over The Spy Who Loved Me. In anger, he restlessly performs the opening sequence to The Spy Who Loved Me. Everybody present elects to watch America's Strongest Man instead, and Alan is left to roleplay James Bond alone. |
11 | "I Know What Alan Did Last Summer" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 9 December 2002 (2002-12-09) | 3.32 |
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The Inland Revenue are due to call and carry out an investigation into Alan's business affairs, causing him to worry about the gift receipt for a dressing gown Bill Oddie gave him that he falsely and illegally declared as a tax expense. Sonja has developed an apparent obsession with London, repeatedly gifting Alan with London based memorabilia and requesting he take her there on a trip. Alan lies to Sonja about his supposed friendship with Bono, from the band U2. When the Inland Revenue arrive, Alan panics and behaves incredibly suspiciously, before delegating to Lynn once she arrives with a record of his business receipts. After an argument with Sonja about London, Alan attempts to make up with her by taking her to a National Trust stately home under the guise of it being Bono's house. Lynn arrives with a friend of hers from the baptist church in disguise as 'Bono', but Sonja does not fall for the deception, leading Alan to begrudgingly promise her a trip to London, which he yet again delegates to Lynn. |
12 | "Alan Wide Shut" | Armando Iannucci | Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan & Peter Baynham | 16 December 2002 (2002-12-16) | 3.09 |
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The building work on Alan's house is finally complete and Sonja wants to move in. Alan, however, has other ideas, insensitively suggesting she live in the caravan next door, only coming round to please Alan sexually. He is interviewed on the radio show Prayer Wave, where his insensitive comments towards another guest (Julia Davis) concerning her previous drug problems cause her to walk out.Attending Lynn's baptism at her church, he makes a dreadfully uncomfortable speech, simulates blowing his head off with a shotgun and assaults a guest who questions his anecdote-writing abilities. Alan attends the destruction of the remaining 14,000 unsold copies of Alan's book, Bouncing Back, which are due to be pulped. Alan walks away, taking a few copies of the book with him in a plastic bag as a memento, as "The Windmills of Your Mind" plays. |