Episode | Title | First aired |
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1 | "Dead Men Do Tell Tales" | 13 January 1982 |
Travel agent Monty Wiseman helps a lady to repatriate her husband's body. The coffin is stored in Arthur's lockup until the funeral, but when an inquest is ordered, Arthur is forced to move the coffin to Terry's flat. Wiseman plans to use an alcoholic tramp ('Incapable'), a former surgeon, to extract smuggled diamonds from the dead body, but all doesn't go as planned. DS Chisholm is also interested in the goings-on. (The title spoofs the 1938 film Dead Men Tell No Tales.) |
Guest stars: Patricia Maynard as Mrs Chambers, Harry Fowler as Monty Wiseman, Harold Innocent as Incapable, Derek Fowlds as Meadhurst, Suzi Quatro as Nancy, Eileen Way as Mrs. Chambers' Mother, Rayner Bourton as Randolf, Michael Jenkinson as Vicar. |
2 | "You Need Hands" | 20 January 1982 |
Terry is employed to guard a consignment of diamonds, but is injured. Arthur 'borrows' Vernon, a minder for a mate of his, to guard the shipment of the diamonds. He finds out that the items being shipped are really drugs and is kidnapped by the dodgy dealer to stop him talking. Then the real owner of the drugs turns up at the meet in a muddy Essex field at dawn, with armed muscle. But Terry and Des have learned of the events and manage to save the day. (The title refers to the song "You Need Hands", sung by Max Bygraves.) |
Guest stars: Mike Reid as Vernon, Alan MacNaughtan as Merrick, Harry Landis as Lenny Bowman, Julian Holloway as Matthews, Leslie Sarony as man in café, Steve Emerson as Merrick's Heavy, Gareth Milne as Gerry, Martin Fisk as Security Guard. |
3 | "Rembrandt Doesn't Live Here Anymore" | 27 January 1982 |
Talented painter-turned-forger Frankie Simmons is painting copies of 'old masters' that a dodgy art dealer can easily sell. Arthur sells one painting to bookmaker Rory Quinn, but no one realises that Frankie's jealous girlfriend Monica has added a small detail that marks it as a fake. Quinn is furious when he finds out and pressures Arthur for his money back. Frankie quickly skips the country. (The title spoofs the 1974 film Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore.) |
Guest stars: George Sewell as Frankie Simmons, Ewan Hooper as Quinn, Patricia Quinn as Monica Mason, John Tordoff as Max, Valentino Musetti as Gerry. |
4 | "Looking for Micky" | 3 February 1982 |
'Mad' Micky escapes from prison and makes his way to Debbie's flat. Micky wants to go to the Press to convince the world he has been ‘misrepresented’ as a dangerous convict, thereby hoping to obtain from the authorities a firm date for his release. Debbie goes to Terry to ask him for help, persuading Terry, who knew Micky when they were both boxing, to help Micky go to the newspapers. Arthur sees an opportunity to make some money by selling the story to a journalist, but Micky's nasty former boxing manager has other ideas and does a deal with an equally ruthless journalist to get Micky back to jail. |
Guest stars: John Labanowski as Micky Dixon, Bill Nighy as Oates, John Moffatt as Freddie Baker, Diana Malin as Debbie, Tom Watson as Anker, Jim McManus as George. |
5 | "Dreamhouse" | 10 February 1982 |
Terry minds pop star Frankie Farrow's country mansion whilst the latter is supposedly performing in Las Vegas. He meets Farrow's brother Derek, once his assistant and accountant, but now a frustrated and jobless alcoholic. It emerges that Frankie is a 'has-been' and is really performing at small workingmen's clubs in the north of England. To top it all, Frankie then decamps to Spain to escape his creditors. Meanwhile, Arthur is being pursued by the vengeful sons of a newly widowed lady, Beryl, whose money he has tried to invest. |
Guest stars: Richard Griffiths as Derek Farrow, Wanda Ventham as Beryl, Roger Sloman as Georgie Silver, Frank Coda as Mr Woods, Adrian Mills as Stanley, Sidney Kean as Harry. |
6 | "Another Bride, Another Groom" | 17 February 1982 |
Arthur's attempts at organising his niece's wedding turn into a catalogue of disasters. Terry is reluctantly driving the limousine that picks up the bride, but he also has to collect some books on the way. The 'books' turn out to be a carload of illegal pornographic magazines that Arthur plans to quickly unload. A corrupt copper follows Terry to the church with a view to blackmailing Arthur, whilst thugs working for Grantly, the legal owner of the magazines, are following him. The magazines are destined to be pulped, but when Terry's friend is beaten up by the thugs, he exacts revenge.(The title spoofs the phrase "Another Day, Another Dollar".) |
Guest stars: Warren Clarke as DC Ashmole, Ian Hogg as Grantly, John Judd as Noisy, Desmond McNamara as Reggie, Jeffrey Segal as Middle Aged Man, Jayne Lester as Trina. |
7 | "The Birdman of Wormwood Scrubs" | 24 February 1982 |
Arthur and Terry are asked to look after former gangster Ernie Dodds, just out of prison after 14 years. Arthur helps Ernie financially, on the understanding that the latter will pay him back when he gets his ill-gotten money out of a secret bank account. They discover that the account has been closed and emptied by a corrupt bank manager. And they soon realise that Kate Grundy (daughter of Ernie's former partner), a retired (and corrupt) police superintendent and a bent 'screw' are also after the money. But the now-deceased manager has lost the money in bad business deals and all that's left is his widow's pet shop. (The title spoofs the 1962 film Birdman of Alcatraz.) |
Guest stars: Rula Lenska as Kate Grundy, Maurice Denham as Billings, Max Wall as Ernie Dodds, Joe Ritchie as Ron Grundy, Avril Angers as Mrs Knight, Stephen Greif as Spencer, Frederick Treves as Bank Manager. |
8 | "The Son Also Rises" | 3 March 1982 |
Corrupt property developer Ted Standen refuses to pay Alex Rowan, his former accountant just out of prison. Rowan had kept quiet about Standen's dealings, in return for a promised pay-off. Rowan has Standen's schoolboy son John roughed up to 'persuade' him to pay, but Terry, who is given the job of minding John, thinks there's a better way. With assistance from canny accountant Morrie Levin, Standen is confronted by Arthur in the persona of John's financial advisor. Under pressure, Standen is forced to pay Rowan and also pay out his son's trust account as he's just turned 18. (The title spoofs the 1926 novel – and 1957 film – The Sun Also Rises.) |
Guest stars: Gareth Hunt as Ted Standen, Annabel Leventon as Muriel Standen, Alfie Bass as Morrie Levin, Gary Waldhorn as Alex Rowan, Stephen Garlick as John Standen, Christopher Ellison as Charlie, Nigel Humphreys as Ronald, David Arlen as Phil, Christopher Coll as Probation Officer Morley, Ozzie Stevens as 1st Youth, Steve Fletcher as 2nd Youth. |
9 | "Why Pay Tax" | 10 March 1982 |
Barry the Book, a high-stakes bookmaker, hires Terry to mind him when making a large payout, but the money is stolen and Terry is injured in the fracas. He learns that the theft wasn't accidental, and Barry loses all his household goods when the real punter comes to collect. Later, to get out of another large debt, Barry ends up working for the betting shop owner, whom Terry has been romancing. Meanwhile, Arthur is dealing with local Irish builder Dermot, purchasing a job-lot of secondhand fireplaces. However, Arthur is conned out of an antique Robert Adam fireplace by Ray's valuer, Cyril. |
Guest stars: Michael Medwin as Barry the Book, Nigel Davenport as Ray, Kika Markham as Dolly Warner, Roger Brierley as Cyril, Shay Gorman as Forman. |
10 | "Broken Arrow" | 17 March 1982 |
Terry meets Dafydd, a young Welshman, an expert ambidextrous darts player, and Arthur sees the chance to make some money by managing him. After a competition in a rough south London boozer where the locals don't take kindly to his playing, Arthur organises his own tournament. However, fewer players than expected enter, and Arthur is left scrambling to raise the prize money. (The title refers to the 1950 Western film – and subsequent television series of the same name – Broken Arrow.) |
Guest stars: Sean Mathias as Dafydd Evans, Maggie Steed as Sherry, Edward Peel as Ted Turton, Michael Graham Cox as Wally Brabham, John Joyce as Eddie Pitt, Jonathan Kydd as Len, Paddy Joyce as Pat, Alfred Maron as Little Freddie, Roy Pattison as Man at Silver Rose, Honora Burke as Woman at Silver Rose, Gary Olsen as Derek and Jestyn Phillips as Mr Rice. |
11 | "Poetic Justice, Innit?" | 24 March 1982 |
Terry's girlfriend Debbie, now working as an in-home hairdresser, is a witness to a violent jewellery robbery. Terry helps to track down the perpetrators, although DS Soames, a new arrival on the manor, firmly believes that Debbie and Terry set up the theft. Arthur is called for jury service, at a robbery trial, to the horror of DS Chisholm, the prosecuting officer. |
Guest stars: Michael Culver as DS Soames, Diana Malin as Debbie, James Cossins as Judge, Larry Martyn as Smith, Barrie Cookson as Parsons, Peter-Hugo Daly as Knowles, Bernard Horsfall as Mr. Russel QC, John Bardon as Jury Member, Lloyd McGuire as Jury Member, Gwyneth Strong as Jury Member, David Sibley as Jury Member. |
12 | "Back in Good Old England" | 31 March 1982 |
Ex-con Jack 'Oily' Wragg returns from self-imposed exile in Spain. Terry's glad to see him, but no one else is – Archie, his former partner-in-crime, wants to kill him. Wragg enthusiastically claims to be planning a major wages snatch, but the plan turns out to be ill-conceived and no one will take it seriously. His potential partner gets cold feet, and Jack realises that London has changed too much since he went away. With Archie and his heavies close behind him, he escapes across the English Channel to Holland on a boat provided by a mate of Des. (The title spoofs the popular 1916 music hall song "Take Me Back to Dear Old Blighty".) |
Guest stars: Pete Postlethwaite as Jack Wragg, David Hargreaves as Archie, George Layton as Des, Norman Beaton as Billy, Tariq Yunus as Chris, John Benfield as Painter, Royston Tickner as The Skipper, Stanley McGeagh as Police Sergeant. |
13 | "In" | 7 April 1982 |
Arthur takes delivery of a privately imported BMW car, but his car lot is raided by police and Arthur is arrested for drug trafficking. Whilst he is being interrogated by Rycott and a German detective, and the car is being stripped and searched, Terry tries to track down the delivery driver. He finds his sister, a feisty nurse, and eventually the driver. This leads to an extended fight that leaves them both bloodied and battered on a London bus. (The title spoofs the 1978 Thames Television series Out.) |
Guest stars: Frederick Jaeger as Inspector Klingmann, Brian Cox as Frank, Lindy Whiteford as Bridget, Russell Hunter as Billy 'The Ferret', Diane Langton as Rita, John Hallam as Gypsy Joe, Linal Haft as Ronnie, Barry Stanton as Georgie, Dominic Allan as Police Doctor, Annette Badland as Nurse, Edward Kelsey as Foreman, Peter Van Dissel as Plain Clothes Man, Timothy Block as Armed Officer, Trevor Cooper as Officer 2, Brian Grellis as Van Radio Officer. |